My faith was tested on 28 January 2006, the day I lost my mom.
It was a Saturday morning when I suddenly heard my sister calling for help, when I ran over to see
what was happening. Then the thing I feared most, my mom, it couldn’t be, no, wait, she just looks
tired. She steadily looked at me as I held her hand, not sure what to do, I just said its going to be ok
mom I’ll get help, you’ll be fine. I then desperately ran over to get my husband and after 1 minute,
when I returned, there she was, her eyes closed, her body lifeless. When the emergency unit arrived,
they tried to revive her, but nothing. It all happened so fast! It was the worst thing that ever
happened to me. I screamed! Sobbed! But she was gone forever.
I remember feeling so angry, lonely, empty and regretful. I’ve lost my purpose for life and regretted
not being the daughter I could’ve been. I remember feeling angry at myself for not spending enough
time with her, not always being there when she needed me. I could’ve done more!
The following Saturday after her funeral, being in my house just felt cold and miserable. We couldn’t
bear the pain of losing mom, it was extremely difficult at first.
I knew that there was a reason why she had to leave so suddenly. She suffered no illness at all but
she was lonely because in July 2004 my dad passed on. I prayed to God to ease the pain and
suffering of losing her. I yearned to see her one more time, to touch her skin, to hold her hand and
to just lay my head on her shoulder for another day. I could hardly breathe, my heart was heavy and then
I went into depression and I knew that it was the feeling of anger, regret and sorrow.
As I prayed and asked God for comfort and strength, it became more bearable. I realized then that
God hears the prayers of a broken heart and heals that which no man can.
A few months later I had a dream about her where she was walking tall holding my sister’s hand over
a pedestrian crossing. She looked happy and on the go as she once was. That dream meant
everything to me. On another occasion a few years later, still feeling the emptiness and longing to
feel her nearness, I was walking down the passage in our house and suddenly heard her voice
whispering my name.
I still encounter her presence and give thanks to God for revealing her to me as that is as significant
to me as the memories I had with her.
My reason for writing this story is to tell you that it takes time to heal. That God knows our pain and
sorrow. He carries us through difficult times and we only have to put our complete trust in Him. The
loneliness, anger and regret faded. I became whole again and I learned to appreciate more, live for
now and put God first. Prayer is power, it is our way of communicating with God and through this my
emotional needs are fulfilled.
Today 15 years ago she was called home.
Written 28 January 2021
VARIETYMOM 