My Story: World Mental Health Day

  • Have you ever felt that life is so hard that sometimes it’s not worth living?
  • The pain seems overwhelming and unbearable
  • You feel hopeless, like there’s no point in living
  • You are consumed by negative and disturbing thoughts
  • You cannot imagine any solution to your problems other than suicide
  • You imagine death as a relief
  • You think everyone would be better off without you
  • You feel worthless and lonely when you do have friends and family
  • You fail to understand why you are feeling or thinking this way.

I have felt this way some time mid last year and it was tough. When I look back, I remember feeling lonely, empty, overwhelmed, tired, hopeless, picturing my suicide, planning it on most days. All I could think of was how am I going to do this and when. Death felt like a way out and sleeping was what I looked forward to every day. I needed to be absent and invisible to everything and everyone. I wanted to die and the saddest part was I had no idea what was happening to me and why it happened. I felt guilty to leave my kids behind but I thought it would be better for them that way and that they would hurt for a little while but be okay shortly afterwards. My brain was fuzzy, I had disturbing thoughts and I just wanted to hide in a dark place. I felt disconnected from the world and struggled to communicate. The fact is, even though I was loved and had family to reach out to, I didn’t, I couldn’t even speak, I couldn’t think straight and I stopped living my life the way I used to. I didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to pretend everything was okay but I had to endure. I went to work every day and pretended to be okay. “They said I’ve changed and that I’m different but I avoided eye contact and just brushed it off”.

One day, engrossed in my thoughts, I researched my symptoms and came across an article that explains everything I needed to know about my condition. I remember thinking about it for a very long time before deciding to open up about it. I confided in my eldest sister who advised me to get help. I was fortunate enough to learn that she too survived the torture and agony of depression. She understood me, she regularly checked up on me and she guided me along the way. At least I had someone to turn to.

My advice to those feeling a sense of depression and suicide reading this today is – find someone to confide in, talk about your condition. There is help out there. I didn’t believe anything or anyone could change my mind but support, love and guidance, even a word of advice from someone might help you. I didn’t believe it would, but it did.

Those in a position to help someone – please reach out.

What you can do is:

  • Find an appropriate time and a quiet place to talk about suicide with the person you are worried about. Let them know that you are there to listen.
  • Encourage the person to seek help from a professional, such as a doctor, mental health professional, counselor or social worker. Offer to accompany them to an appointment.
  • If you think the person is in immediate danger, do not leave him or her alone. Seek professional help from the emergency services, a crisis line, or a health-care professional, or turn to family members.
  • If the person you are worried about lives with you, ensure that he or she does not have access to means of self-harm (for example pesticides, firearms or medication) in the home.
  • Stay in touch to check how the person is doing.

For information on a Dr or Psychiatrist or clinic near to you please contact SADAG on 0800 21 22 23 or 0800 70 80 90 Seven days a week, from 8am to 8pm.

Also follow me on Instagram @variety_mom


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